How to Almost End Your Marriage

I thought today would be a great day for a recipe on the blog! Here's the recipe, along with step by step instructions (aka pictures for the non-readers) on how to almost end your marriage.

First, the ingredients:

• 1 eight passenger rental van
• 1 set of sketchy directions
• 1 iPhone equipped with Japanese maps
• 1 normally happy couple
• 1 innocent third party participant
• 1 wicked language barrier

Directions:

1.  Rent an eight passenger van to save money on tolls. Make sure van's mileage is at least 6 digits and may or may not have an alignment issue.

2.  Obtain turn by turn directions for your destination approximately 4 hours from your home, listing street names when street signs are not posted.

3.  Pick up your third party participant half an hour later than promised but still way too early for a Saturday morning.

4.  Get on the toll highway and attempt to take pictures from said eight passenger van going no less than 100 kph.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

5.  Stop at rest stop, act like tourists, and have every Japanese person unabashedly stare at you.

6.  Get mildly excited when signs for your destination appear.

7.  Come upon a three road split once you get into Sendai, pick the wrong one, and begin on your journey back the way you came.

8.  Try to correct the problem by asking a Japanese person to make a U-turn on the highway. 

9.  Patiently wait while Japanese person gets additional Japanese person to understand your English-only speaking self.

10.  Become increasingly aware of traffic pile up behind your vehicle as third Japanese person is fetched to understand the words coming out of your mouth.

11.  Bury your face in your hands as the entire line of cars behind you is instructed to reverse so you may make a U-turn on the toll highway.

12. Get back on the road and ready to conquer the three way intersection of mass confusion.

13. Watch as spouse chooses wrong road for the second time, sending you back the way you came.

14. Begin cursing at one another as innocent third party observes in horror from the back seat.

15. Repeat steps 8 through 12.

16. Apologize to spouse after third party intervenes and says both of you are wrong and being lost is both of your fault.

17. Focus post fight anger on taking pictures of cute Japanese animal crossing signs.

17. Finally make it to your destination, the beautiful city of Sendai, for some outlet mall shopping.

18. Take pictures of awesome kerning errors.

19. End day at beer factory, still married and doing the Asian picture pose.